Why Men Struggle to Express Emotions: It’s Not You, It’s All of Us

Alright, bros, let’s talk about something truly terrifying. No, I’m not talking about your last credit card bill or the time you accidentally left “read” receipts on while texting. I’m talking about… dun dun dun… feelings. Yeah, those sneaky little gremlins that live inside us, making us cry at sports movies or feel weirdly emotional when our buddy gives us a compliment.

Now, stick with me before you click away to watch a “fails compilation” video instead (which, no judgment, they’re great). This isn’t gonna be some sappy therapy talk about “unlocking your inner child” or anything. It’s just a no-BS conversation about why so many of us dudes are absolute garbage at expressing what’s going on upstairs. Spoiler: it’s not because we’re weak, it’s because we were taught to be anything but weak.

Why Are We Like This?

So, let’s rewind to the early days. Remember when you scraped your knee as a kid and someone said, “Don’t cry, be a man!”? Boom. There it was. The first brick in the Great Wall of Stoicism. From that moment on, we were handed a script: “Toughen up. Don’t be a baby. Men don’t cry. Men fix stuff.” It’s almost like we were cast as the human equivalent of duct tape—just patch it up and don’t let anyone see what’s underneath.

And it’s not like this message stops after childhood. It’s everywhere. In movies, we see the rugged hero take a bullet without even wincing (okay, John Wick, calm down), or the cool guy who barely speaks, let alone talks about his feelings (looking at you, Clint Eastwood). We learn that “real men” are supposed to be rock-solid. Except, y’know, rocks don’t have feelings, we do.

The Struggle Bus of Emotion

So, what happens when we grow up with all this messaging? We get really, really good at one emotion: anger. Seriously, it’s like society handed us a one-size-fits-all emotional hammer and said, “Here, use this for everything.” Sad? Nah, just be mad. Scared? Nah, just be mad. Heartbroken? You guessed it—mad.

It’s no wonder a lot of us have trouble figuring out what we actually feel. It’s like being handed a toolbox that only has one tool in it—a rusty hammer. Meanwhile, we’ve got a whole IKEA set of feelings waiting to be assembled, but we’re just over here whacking everything and hoping it works out. It doesn’t work that way.

And when we do manage to feel something that’s not anger, we get hit with a different problem—the inability to say it out loud. We don’t want to look weak, or worse, burden our friends. Picture this: you’re on a Zoom call with your buddies, and someone says, “Man, I’ve been struggling with anxiety lately.” And suddenly everyone’s like, “Uh, anyway, did you see the game last night?” Because nothing deflects vulnerability like a good ol’ sports reference.

The Fallout of Keeping It All In

So what happens when you keep everything bottled up? Well, imagine shaking a can of Coke. At first, it’s fine, just a little pressure. But keep shaking, and eventually, that sucker’s gonna explode—and probably ruin your favorite shirt. That’s what happens when we keep shoving our emotions down. They don’t just go away. They come back with a vengeance—maybe through outbursts, maybe through chronic stress, or maybe they just turn into this dull, lingering numbness that makes everything feel gray.

And here’s the kicker: when we don’t express ourselves, it messes with our relationships. Friends, partners, family—they’re left guessing what the hell is going on with us. They want to help, but we’re over here like, “Nah, I’m fine,” while inside it’s like the Titanic is sinking and we’re just trying to keep playing the violin.

What Can We Do About It?

Alright, here comes the part where I get a little motivational, so hang in there. The truth is, expressing emotions is a skill—a freakin’ superpower, if you will. And like any skill, it takes practice. Sure, it’s awkward at first. You might even feel like a weirdo for saying, “Hey, I’ve been feeling really down lately” to someone who cares about you. But newsflash: that’s exactly what they’re there for. And, surprise, when you open up, it actually deepens those relationships. Wild concept, right?

Here are a few ways to start:

1. Name It to Tame It: Yeah, I know, cheesy as hell, but just putting a name to what you’re feeling is a game changer. Not just “I’m angry,” but “I’m frustrated because I feel out of control.” Boom, suddenly it’s less of a mystery and more of a thing you can manage.
2. Start Small: You don’t need to spill your guts to everyone at once. Maybe it’s just telling a close friend, “I’ve been feeling kind of overwhelmed lately.” It doesn’t have to be a whole TED Talk; it can be a sentence.
3. Write It Down: Journaling might sound like a thing teenage girls do about their crushes, but honestly, it helps. Even if it’s just dumping your brain on paper. No one has to see it—think of it as taking out the trash from your head.
4. Talk to a Pro: Therapy. Yep, I said it. Therapy isn’t just for people who are “broken”—it’s for anyone who wants to get better at handling the messiness of being human. And yeah, that includes us tough guys too.

Real Talk: It’s Not Weakness

Look, there’s a reason this stuff is so hard. We’ve been told for decades to “man up” and that showing emotion is weak. But real strength? It’s in facing your sh*t head-on. It’s in saying, “Hey, I’m not okay,” and trusting the people around you enough to share that. It takes guts. It takes courage. It takes breaking decades of bad programming that tells us otherwise.

So, if you’ve read this far, maybe today’s the day to give it a shot. Reach out to a friend, write down what’s going on in that head of yours, or even just sit and let yourself feel something without immediately dismissing it. Because newsflash: you’re not alone in this. We’re all carrying around our weird cocktail of emotions. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time we stopped pretending we’re fine and started being real.

And if you need a sign to do it—this is it. Go be a badass and feel something today. Hey, bro, I promise it’ll be worth it.